I have been a teacher of teenagers for many years, in many rough schools. Three really important things I learned were:
1) walk with my heavy boots in front of my body (slammed doors aimed at your face will not get you, and will ricochet back into the sender)
2) if someone threatens to jump out the window, I let them know they can do that, there's nothing really I can do to stop it - but there are reasons they may not want to do it (and yes, I've had a couple boys who did 'escape' via the window)
3) Don't react. Always have plan b,c,d etc... ready to roll. The minute you react (in anger, or tears), the pack will eat you alive, forever.
And surprisingly, these lessons translate very well into negotiating with cats. After-all, we all have ways and places we want our cat to 'fit in' with. To translate the above into cat principles:
1) Prevent by changing the environment. Additionally, set up unexpected outcomes.
2) Allow - but with BETTER alternatives. You are no longer confronting, you are negotiating and respecting their autonomy. And be relaxed about the fact it may not always work (you've always got plans b,c,d etc).
3) It's not personal. And in the case of cats, it is definitely not vindictive. Cats won't see 'weakness' and eat you alive like a pack of teenagers. And you don't have to be 'dominant' or feel the cat has 'thwarted' you...not vindictive or personal remember. Plus, with cats, you can set up a damaging dynamic if you react with anger - you become a monster to be feared and the object of the 'lesson' is simply lost. And you end up feeling crap. Simply focus on the fact that both humans and cats have needs that must be met...we just have to try out a few things and be creative in achieving a win-win.
So how does this work practically? In our home, we have two common 'rules' we want to get working with our cats - 'no' to cats on the kitchen benches, and 'no' to chewing electrical cords. So how on earth do we get them to comply?
1. It is hard to change the environment of the kitchen bench. We did try pepper sprinkled over it once, as we were told cats don't like pepper, but Kato didn't seem to mind, judging by the peppery footprints danced over the couch! Things we haven't tried include: alarms - set these at bedtime, if a body breaks the beam of light, the alarm sounds (unexpected and unpleasant result). Can of Air - same principle as an alarm but won't wake you up, as it is a hiss of air. Double sided sticky tape - cats don't like this apparently, but you'd need a lot, and it would be a hassle doing and undoing each day. Also, we have inquisitive cats - I can see our type of cats turning all these options (apart from the alarm as Korats have sensitive hearing and hate loud noises) into toys. But we can change what is ON the kitchen benches that might be attractive. We keep everything very boring by keeping the benches clean and clear.
Changing the environment of cords is a little easier. You can put them in a different location - one that is hard to reach, or enclosed. You can build (and maybe buy) 'boxes' that sit over the length of cord, sealing it away. You can also buy spiral protectors that sit over the cord - they don't make anything 'unexpected' to deter a cat, but they will prevent electrocution! Then there are various bitter sprays that you could wipe over the cords - bite, and cat will get an unexpected (and unpleasant) taste (but check the ingredients for cat toxins first!! Remember that essential oils, including citrus, are toxic to cats, but are still often put in cat products.)
2. Allow, but with better alternatives. For our kitchen bench situation, Kato and Ava know they are allowed to sit on the router - at the edge of the bench. It's warm, so it's attractive. It is on the level of the bench so they can see a bit, which also makes it good. You could also make a cat place with a placemat if you wanted. We also bought a bar stool. This is high enough for good bench viewing, and we can pull it over to the section of the bench they are itching to see (where we are doing stuff!). The bonus of providing good alternatives is that Kato and Ava LOVE us for showing them love...and a bond of love and trust is good for negotiation. Do they still go on the benches, especially when we aren't there? I'm sure they do. But we relax about this...and clean the benches before we use them. If we see them, we consistently tell them 'off' - and they get off or onto the parts that are permitted. If they aren't quick enough to respond, we lift them 'off' (sometimes with wet hands if we happen to be washing up...the 'unexpected' scenario of (1))
Better alternatives for cords?? Well, yes. A spiral protector is better to chew than a cord that results in electrocution. And you can get more creative! Ava is currently teething, so she NEEDS things to chew. We give them to her, in many forms. But she just loves our thin phone charger cords. So I have tied a similar piece of plastic/rubber tubing from a jewellery supply store to the chair next to where those phone cords are. When she goes to chew phone cords, she gets gently redirected to 'her' cord. (I keep a close eye on it though, as she chews it so well it does get a bit worn and I have to remove the sections that could be bitten off and ingested.)
3. Remembering it is not personal keeps all the heat and frustration out of the situation. Before we worked out that yelling was bad, we DID shout 'OFF' in 'training' Kato off the benches. He kinda crouched and looked frantically for escape routes...you know, like a cornered cat. Is this the result we want? Nope. I read stuff. We tried stuff. We understand so much more...There will be no more crazy angry monsters in our home, just reasonable, loving - and persistent&creative - humans.
Plus, if you've covered (1), and (2), did you notice how many plans you have, all working at the same time?!
1) walk with my heavy boots in front of my body (slammed doors aimed at your face will not get you, and will ricochet back into the sender)
2) if someone threatens to jump out the window, I let them know they can do that, there's nothing really I can do to stop it - but there are reasons they may not want to do it (and yes, I've had a couple boys who did 'escape' via the window)
3) Don't react. Always have plan b,c,d etc... ready to roll. The minute you react (in anger, or tears), the pack will eat you alive, forever.
And surprisingly, these lessons translate very well into negotiating with cats. After-all, we all have ways and places we want our cat to 'fit in' with. To translate the above into cat principles:
1) Prevent by changing the environment. Additionally, set up unexpected outcomes.
2) Allow - but with BETTER alternatives. You are no longer confronting, you are negotiating and respecting their autonomy. And be relaxed about the fact it may not always work (you've always got plans b,c,d etc).
3) It's not personal. And in the case of cats, it is definitely not vindictive. Cats won't see 'weakness' and eat you alive like a pack of teenagers. And you don't have to be 'dominant' or feel the cat has 'thwarted' you...not vindictive or personal remember. Plus, with cats, you can set up a damaging dynamic if you react with anger - you become a monster to be feared and the object of the 'lesson' is simply lost. And you end up feeling crap. Simply focus on the fact that both humans and cats have needs that must be met...we just have to try out a few things and be creative in achieving a win-win.
So how does this work practically? In our home, we have two common 'rules' we want to get working with our cats - 'no' to cats on the kitchen benches, and 'no' to chewing electrical cords. So how on earth do we get them to comply?
1. It is hard to change the environment of the kitchen bench. We did try pepper sprinkled over it once, as we were told cats don't like pepper, but Kato didn't seem to mind, judging by the peppery footprints danced over the couch! Things we haven't tried include: alarms - set these at bedtime, if a body breaks the beam of light, the alarm sounds (unexpected and unpleasant result). Can of Air - same principle as an alarm but won't wake you up, as it is a hiss of air. Double sided sticky tape - cats don't like this apparently, but you'd need a lot, and it would be a hassle doing and undoing each day. Also, we have inquisitive cats - I can see our type of cats turning all these options (apart from the alarm as Korats have sensitive hearing and hate loud noises) into toys. But we can change what is ON the kitchen benches that might be attractive. We keep everything very boring by keeping the benches clean and clear.
Changing the environment of cords is a little easier. You can put them in a different location - one that is hard to reach, or enclosed. You can build (and maybe buy) 'boxes' that sit over the length of cord, sealing it away. You can also buy spiral protectors that sit over the cord - they don't make anything 'unexpected' to deter a cat, but they will prevent electrocution! Then there are various bitter sprays that you could wipe over the cords - bite, and cat will get an unexpected (and unpleasant) taste (but check the ingredients for cat toxins first!! Remember that essential oils, including citrus, are toxic to cats, but are still often put in cat products.)
2. Allow, but with better alternatives. For our kitchen bench situation, Kato and Ava know they are allowed to sit on the router - at the edge of the bench. It's warm, so it's attractive. It is on the level of the bench so they can see a bit, which also makes it good. You could also make a cat place with a placemat if you wanted. We also bought a bar stool. This is high enough for good bench viewing, and we can pull it over to the section of the bench they are itching to see (where we are doing stuff!). The bonus of providing good alternatives is that Kato and Ava LOVE us for showing them love...and a bond of love and trust is good for negotiation. Do they still go on the benches, especially when we aren't there? I'm sure they do. But we relax about this...and clean the benches before we use them. If we see them, we consistently tell them 'off' - and they get off or onto the parts that are permitted. If they aren't quick enough to respond, we lift them 'off' (sometimes with wet hands if we happen to be washing up...the 'unexpected' scenario of (1))
Better alternatives for cords?? Well, yes. A spiral protector is better to chew than a cord that results in electrocution. And you can get more creative! Ava is currently teething, so she NEEDS things to chew. We give them to her, in many forms. But she just loves our thin phone charger cords. So I have tied a similar piece of plastic/rubber tubing from a jewellery supply store to the chair next to where those phone cords are. When she goes to chew phone cords, she gets gently redirected to 'her' cord. (I keep a close eye on it though, as she chews it so well it does get a bit worn and I have to remove the sections that could be bitten off and ingested.)
3. Remembering it is not personal keeps all the heat and frustration out of the situation. Before we worked out that yelling was bad, we DID shout 'OFF' in 'training' Kato off the benches. He kinda crouched and looked frantically for escape routes...you know, like a cornered cat. Is this the result we want? Nope. I read stuff. We tried stuff. We understand so much more...There will be no more crazy angry monsters in our home, just reasonable, loving - and persistent&creative - humans.
Plus, if you've covered (1), and (2), did you notice how many plans you have, all working at the same time?!