Ava is an easy cat. She's sweet, friendly, and just doesn't do exasperating things! And I was thinking that she is so 'good' we were even skipping adolescence. Not so. Ava is firmly in her adolescent phase; it is just expressed a little differently to Kato's. You see, with a sweet non-willful cat like Ava, 'adolescence' would probably never enter your mind. It would never need to. And an ignorance of cat adolescence wouldn't do any harm. The only reason I can see that she is at this stage and phase, is because I NEEDED to understand it for Kato -who was an extreme case - and can therefore pick it in Ava as a point of interest.
When Kato went through his adolescent phase, it started at about 9months, and extended to about 3.5years.(With Ava, we started to notice her adolescenc at 1.5years.) When Kato entered adolescencee, I had no idea that such a thing existed. All I 'knew' was that suddenly my little kitten, who'd slept on me and given me short bursts of physical affection, no longer loved me. He no longer wanted to be touched! He'd squirm away if I tried to touch him. Sometimes he'd bite. He'd never come voluntarily to have contact with me. And he was so active and mischevious ALL THE TIME. I was so upset!! In desperation I started to read about cats, and I was on the cusp of giving up on him - if he no longer loved me, then I would no longer try to show love for him. This is the danger of not knowing about cat adolescence. It would have caused such damage if I had done that!
Cat adolescence is a time when cats are trying out their new powers - their physical strength is growing, and so is their brain. They can understand cause and effect at bit more. Frights and scares go into the data bank as information to be acted upon in similar future circumstances. Their powers of observation have increased, and that data is being computed -for the future -as well. Because there is so much information to process and test with the new improved brain, this is exactly what they are doing - testing. Everything. Including our love. And they can rapidly come to some bad conclusions if we give them certain data. Will they love me if I do that? What about this? Oh, they aren't being affectionate anymore - I'd better not risk my heart, I'd better stay away. When both parties are feeling that love is not there, you can see it could spiral down a tragic path. The adult in the relationship (us!) needs to provide an unwavering love for the adolescent to grow (safely) against.
The other way we could react at this time is in exasperation. Their physical powers are exploding and they are quicksilver. For a smart and wilful cat (like Kato), they are also expressing their will TO THE MAX, with GREAT CLEVERNESS AND PERSISTENCE. If we go down this emotional path, we can react with anger, attributing our cat with a 'malicious' and 'devious' streak that is out to get us; it can become a dominance and submission issue for some people. And cats don't respond well to physical or loud 'discipline'; they simply see it as something mad and scary that needs to be avoided. So once again, we get a cat who doesn't want to be around us - the very opposite of what we actually want. And once again, the solution is to understand that it is a phase of growth, it is NOT PERSONAL, and we, the adults, need to be the emotionally stable parties. Maybe its a bit like raising human adolescents!
Anyway, when I found out about cat adolescence, I resolved to be a steady rock of love. The knowledge did greatly soothe my hurt feelings. And I also had to learn that cat affection is not always and only expressed by snuggling! Once I got a grip on some of their love language, I suddenly saw that Kato did love me; it was just expressed with a bit more distance between us - I mean duh, what teenager wants to cuddle with their mum like they did as a young child?!
Now Kato was an extreme case of adolescence. Something I'd never experienced with my family cats. So I was very grateful for this information that saved my hurt and despair, and let me build a good relationship. At 4.5years old, I am reaping the benefits in love language that I prefer - Kato has completely surprised me with how much physical contact he wants. He sleeps curled up against my legs or my side EVERY night, and most times I sit. He likes to be picked up for short cuddles. And he does all the cat things he hadn't been doing - like rubbing his face or body against us in passing. He especially likes to rub his face on our toes while we sit on the couch! And he has even started kneeding when he is having a particularly loved up cuddle. And he is purring more (I thought he was deficient!). He asks us for so many things, because he knows he is loved and together we have worked on understanding each other. He also responds far more readily to our preferences in his behaviour - and he doesnt try it on almost half as much!
With Ava, her adolescence is expressed with shorter periods of cuddle. And a little more willfulness You're calling me, but, hmm, I think I'll just keep doing what is so interesting here. She no longer is content to be picked up and carried in our daily walks and either hides under our car when she sees that we are about to pick her up, or gently wiggles out of our arms - her opinions are worthy of respect, so we have learned to allow her to express her choice (and try to keep an eye on two cats in different places during the walk!) And as I think about this, I'm actually looking forward to how her levels of affection will show in adulthood!
For more information on cat adolescence and cat love language, browse Pamela Merritt's wonderful blog:
http://www.wayofcats.com/blog/cat-adolescence/4125
http://www.wayofcats.com/blog/proof-of-love/27484
When Kato went through his adolescent phase, it started at about 9months, and extended to about 3.5years.(With Ava, we started to notice her adolescenc at 1.5years.) When Kato entered adolescencee, I had no idea that such a thing existed. All I 'knew' was that suddenly my little kitten, who'd slept on me and given me short bursts of physical affection, no longer loved me. He no longer wanted to be touched! He'd squirm away if I tried to touch him. Sometimes he'd bite. He'd never come voluntarily to have contact with me. And he was so active and mischevious ALL THE TIME. I was so upset!! In desperation I started to read about cats, and I was on the cusp of giving up on him - if he no longer loved me, then I would no longer try to show love for him. This is the danger of not knowing about cat adolescence. It would have caused such damage if I had done that!
Cat adolescence is a time when cats are trying out their new powers - their physical strength is growing, and so is their brain. They can understand cause and effect at bit more. Frights and scares go into the data bank as information to be acted upon in similar future circumstances. Their powers of observation have increased, and that data is being computed -for the future -as well. Because there is so much information to process and test with the new improved brain, this is exactly what they are doing - testing. Everything. Including our love. And they can rapidly come to some bad conclusions if we give them certain data. Will they love me if I do that? What about this? Oh, they aren't being affectionate anymore - I'd better not risk my heart, I'd better stay away. When both parties are feeling that love is not there, you can see it could spiral down a tragic path. The adult in the relationship (us!) needs to provide an unwavering love for the adolescent to grow (safely) against.
The other way we could react at this time is in exasperation. Their physical powers are exploding and they are quicksilver. For a smart and wilful cat (like Kato), they are also expressing their will TO THE MAX, with GREAT CLEVERNESS AND PERSISTENCE. If we go down this emotional path, we can react with anger, attributing our cat with a 'malicious' and 'devious' streak that is out to get us; it can become a dominance and submission issue for some people. And cats don't respond well to physical or loud 'discipline'; they simply see it as something mad and scary that needs to be avoided. So once again, we get a cat who doesn't want to be around us - the very opposite of what we actually want. And once again, the solution is to understand that it is a phase of growth, it is NOT PERSONAL, and we, the adults, need to be the emotionally stable parties. Maybe its a bit like raising human adolescents!
Anyway, when I found out about cat adolescence, I resolved to be a steady rock of love. The knowledge did greatly soothe my hurt feelings. And I also had to learn that cat affection is not always and only expressed by snuggling! Once I got a grip on some of their love language, I suddenly saw that Kato did love me; it was just expressed with a bit more distance between us - I mean duh, what teenager wants to cuddle with their mum like they did as a young child?!
Now Kato was an extreme case of adolescence. Something I'd never experienced with my family cats. So I was very grateful for this information that saved my hurt and despair, and let me build a good relationship. At 4.5years old, I am reaping the benefits in love language that I prefer - Kato has completely surprised me with how much physical contact he wants. He sleeps curled up against my legs or my side EVERY night, and most times I sit. He likes to be picked up for short cuddles. And he does all the cat things he hadn't been doing - like rubbing his face or body against us in passing. He especially likes to rub his face on our toes while we sit on the couch! And he has even started kneeding when he is having a particularly loved up cuddle. And he is purring more (I thought he was deficient!). He asks us for so many things, because he knows he is loved and together we have worked on understanding each other. He also responds far more readily to our preferences in his behaviour - and he doesnt try it on almost half as much!
With Ava, her adolescence is expressed with shorter periods of cuddle. And a little more willfulness You're calling me, but, hmm, I think I'll just keep doing what is so interesting here. She no longer is content to be picked up and carried in our daily walks and either hides under our car when she sees that we are about to pick her up, or gently wiggles out of our arms - her opinions are worthy of respect, so we have learned to allow her to express her choice (and try to keep an eye on two cats in different places during the walk!) And as I think about this, I'm actually looking forward to how her levels of affection will show in adulthood!
For more information on cat adolescence and cat love language, browse Pamela Merritt's wonderful blog:
http://www.wayofcats.com/blog/cat-adolescence/4125
http://www.wayofcats.com/blog/proof-of-love/27484